The Darkside and the Geekside

This isn’t really an IT related post. It’s more of a “What makes Rigsby tick” post. I know, damned scary thought.

I know full well there are many online friends who have had their fill of my mood swings, self-deprecating comments, and overall “PMS’ing Eeyore” attitude at times and quite a few have reached the point where they’re sick of dealing with me.

I suddenly had the idea to try and dump some of what goes on in my mind into print. I know full well that what I’m going to talk about is far from uncommon, especially in our industry, so maybe my little ‘soul baring’ will make someone else feel a little better.

I’ve always had a high aptitude for technology. I’ve been into tearing apart and rebuilding anything with a power cord since I was big enough to hold a screwdriver. My first PC was a 386SX, which I promptly opened up and replaced the hard drive, added more memory, a better speaker, etc.

Basically the Analytical side of my mind has always been dominant. I had an IQ test done when I was 12 and scored in the mid 160’s. Human average IQ is from 90 – 109. I’m in no way bragging or saying I’m smarter than anyone else or any such thing. IQ doesn’t mean squat unless you pursue higher education and take advantage of it and I never really did. All it is, is your ability to learn.

It in no way makes you any more intelligent that the next person. Especially if that next person has furthered their education.

The only reason I’m even mentioning it is to set the background a bit.

It’s medically documented that individuals with higher than average aptitude for the analytical side of their mind also have a high chance for struggling with the artistic/emotional side of their brain.

Hence the saying of “There’s a fine line between Genius and Insanity”

Mind you, I’m sane and stable as a rock. But, I’ve had self-esteem issues and “negative attitude” my entire life. I do my best to balance this out with a wry wit, sarcastic humor, and “I don’t give a shit” attitude but it doesn’t always work.

Now, these situations are automatically the recipe for a rough time. Being technically inclined I naturally got into Information Technology as a career.

Well, I’ve found myself surrounded with friends who are some of the top minds in the entire industry. Brilliant, accomplished Leaders in the IT Professional industry. Microsoft MVPs and Certified Teachers, Professionals who speak at tech conferences. All around awesome people, some of the friendliest and coolest you’ll ever meet.

However, they’re intimidating as hell!

Shadows that are big enough to get frost bite when standing in them. Professionals who can have a ‘brain fart’ and forget more skills than I’ll ever have. Really difficult individuals to compare ones self to when you’ve already struggled with self-esteem issues your whole life.

Combine that with my chosen place of employment being High Tech Manufacturing, which in itself is also filled with highly intelligent, highly educated people. It is also, oddly enough, filled with old technology. By the nature of the industry the equipment used is highly expensive and built really well. So, the computers running most of the equipment are old. Running old software and old operating systems.

You’re probably not seeing where this is going.

It boils down to me, being really good with technology that’s old enough that no one else in the IT Industry cares about and, due to my employment, being in a situation where I have zero incentive to learn new, updated skills because they wouldn’t be used anyway and surrounded by toss in all my friends who are vastly smarter than I am.

Sprinkle liberally with strong doses of self-esteem issues, bouts of depression and  personal life struggles recently and shake well. What you get is,

Me.