Dear User

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Dear User,

Remember that time you spilled coffee on your keyboard before I got to work, then got mad at me when I came in because I wasn’t there to get you a new keyboard and you lost the spreadsheet you were working on?

Oh yeah, that was my fault.

Or that time I spent three days pricing, ordering, and building that custom computer for you, then drove 50 miles to your house and installed it and I ended up taking a hit on the price because I gave you a deal. Then one week later you called me, yelling about how I ripped you off and I had to come back and remove tons of malware, free of charge, because your kid installed Limewire on it?

Oh yeah, that was my fault.

There was also that time you plugged in your own personal thumb drive into your work computer that happened to be infected and the anti-virus software wiped the data off the drive? You posted to Facebook about how worthless the IT Guys are and how you had to spend hours recreating your work.

Oh yeah, that was my fault.

Or that brand new laptop I ordered and set up for you, that I later had to come and uninstall five different toolbars from because it was “too slow and I should have ordered you a better laptop”?

Oh yeah, that was my fault.

Oh, by the way.

That time I came in on my weekend to do a server upgrade that increased your network speed by 15% and you didn’t even notice.

Or that time I spent 3 days’ worth of my lunch breaks cleaning viruses off your personal computer, as a favor, and you never even so much as thanked me for it.

Or that time I went to our off-site storage to pull an old backup tape and recover some email conversation from a year ago that you suddenly needed desperately.

Or there was that time you gave me a one week deadline to finish a project that you spent 2 years planning and never told me about.

Oh yeah, almost forgot.

That new employee you told me about on a Friday afternoon, that was to start work the following Monday and needed a laptop, a cellphone, and desk phone ran, and I did it.

Those were my fault too.

Signed, “That Damned IT Guy”